Who’s Your Daddy?

Attorney Middleton, My world is falling apart. Last month my man left me and my son, Jason, for some woman who lives down the hall. He stopped helping me with the rent and won’t even pay his half of Jason’s daycare center fees anymore. Now I’m stuck paying all these bills on my little $600 a week paycheck. Over and over, I have begged this idiot to help me, but he keeps saying no, and to top it all off, yesterday he told me that he no longer thinks Jason is his child and wants me to take a paternity test. I have been with this man for the past five years. Can he really do this to me now?

Trena Benjamin

I understand how difficult your situation is, but under the law, unless this man is your husband or your son’s daddy, he can walk out on you, and your bills any time he pleases.

FAMILY MATTERS

Today’s families are nothing like the ones who lived back in the day. Old-schooled households consisted of a husband and wife and their children, which they brought into the world together. New-millennium families are a lot more creative. Some couples marry, have children and spend a lifetime together while others hook up for a while, make a few babies, split and move on to the next relationship. This change in the family structure is important because the question of your man’s financial responsibility to your kids rests squarely upon who he is in relationship to them.

IS HE THEIR DADDY OR IS HE NOT?

In order to hold the man in your life responsible for the support of your children, you must first provide that he is their biological father. Over the years, I have given advice to a lot of misinformed sisters out there who wrongly believe that just because they have been living with some sugar daddy who is stuffing their pockets with a little side money from time to time, he’s got to keep that money rolling her way whether he wants to or not. The sad reality is that nothing could be further from the truth. The rule of thumb on a daddy'’ duty to pay support is simply this: If he did not help you to conceive your child, he does not have to help you to feed your child. A guy could have been handing you his entire paycheck from the time your children were born. Your kids may call him Daddy and even make school projects for him on Father’s Day, but unless you can prove with a 99.5% degree of scientific certainty that he is their paternal parent, forget about getting any child support out of him.

MAKING THE CONNECTION

Paternity is the biological relationship between a father and his child. Establishing paternity is the process of making that kinship legal. To legalize this connection, the first thing you will need to do is get a summons and petition for paternity and file them with your local family court. The summons and petition are documents that, in effect, demand a man to appear in court to answer you allegations that on a particular date, at a particular time, he impregnated you, causing you to give birth to his child. You can summons and petitions forms at your local family court or by downloading them from your court’s website. Forms are also available at your state’s office for child support enforcement. The address and telephone numbers for each state’s child support enforcement agency are located in the appendix of this book.

Once your summons and petition have been filed, a copy of them must be served upon your baby daddy. A word to all you do-it- yourself sisters out there: There are lots of things in this world that you can do on your own, but serving your court papers is not one of them. You need to get your papers served by someone beside yourself who is at least eighteen years old who is not a party to your case. That means that your nineteen-year-old child for whom you are trying to get child support cannot serve her daddy. Any other adult members of your family, however, are suitable for the job. Just make sure that your relative follows the proper procedure for service of process. In most states, that means your papers must be personally served upon your man or another adult at his home or place of employment, with a second copy being sent to him by certified mail. Your relative must also sign a document known as an affidavit of service. This is simply written proof that you baby daddy received your court papers. That way if he decides to blow off his court appearance, the support magistrate will be aware that his absence was intentional. Be sure to have your relative fill out the affidavit correctly. Failure to do so could result in your case being thrown out of court. Affidavit forms can be found at your local family court or office for child support enforcement.

Your other alternative for service is to hire a professional process server. The benefit of using a professional is that he is an expert in the methods for effectuating proper service and completing affidavits of service so you are not likely to face problems in court over the issue of how your child’s father received your papers. The downside to this method, however, is the cost. Processserver fees can range from forty to four hundred dollars, depending upon how far away your baby daddy lives and how difficult it is to serve him. Be sure you are ready to put out a few dollars before you choose this method.

Your final alternative for serving your papers is to let your local city marshal do the job for you. A marshal is a law enforcement, much like a sheriff or constable. You can make arrangements to secure a marshal’s services through the office for child support enforcement. Simply let the clerk there know that this is what you want, and he will take care of the rest. The upside to using the marshal is that is it free. The downside is that the marshal will only serve your papers during regular business hours, so if you fail to provide him with an address where your baby daddy can be reached between the hours of 9:00am and 5:00 p.m., you will be out of luck.